


Butter-like air

by ca_te



Category: Loveless
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, Shounen ai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-05
Updated: 2010-09-05
Packaged: 2017-10-11 12:05:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/112229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ca_te/pseuds/ca_te
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written on 25th February 2009. Thanks to kispexi2 for the beta.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Butter-like air

**Author's Note:**

> Written on 25th February 2009. Thanks to kispexi2 for the beta.

The light invading the room seemed so milky, almost butter-like.

He wondered if it would be possible to cut through it with a knife.

He chewed his thumb slowly still looking at the trail the moon light was leaving on the wooden floor.

There was dust on the floor.

He turned to face Soubi's sleeping face.

Strands of blond hair were all over the pillow. He couldn't avoid thinking that he had never saw anyone sleeping. Not his mother, not Semei; he had always gone to bed later and woken up earlier. Maybe he hadn't slept at all.

Ritsuka hugged his knees to his chest still chewing is thumb.

The sheets rustled at his side as Soubi shifted in his sleep. One warm hand landed over his left foot.

Slowly he reached down and put his small bandaged hand over it. He allowed himself to breath again, the thought of Semei a little further away.

He let his gaze travel around the room. When he had arrived his arm was bleeding so bad and Soubi had rushed so fast to him that all he had seen was wood and Soubi's shirt.

The arm was quite numb at that moment, except for occasional shots of pain along the edges of the wound.

He remembered the blood.

It was so red, purple red over those white fingers trying to stop its flow.

The room seemed quite big to him. It was simple but he couldn't understand why it seemed just neutral, there was almost nothing of Soubi except his scent. He blushed a little in the milky light.

 

It was…strange to be in that house. Somehow being there just made Soubi much more real.

Before when he wasn't with him he had never been able to tell if their moments together were as true, solid, as the moments he spent with Yuiko and the others, and that was because he hadn't known to where Soubi would go back after their battles or after their making memories afternoons.

He brushed his fingers lightly over the big warm hand, a careful touch, although his fingertips ached for more pressure.

His ears twitched as shivers ran along his short spine.

Soubi shifted again, and crouched closer to Ritsuka. He could feel his warm breath and goose bumps made their appearance.

He fought the urge to move his hand and bury it in Soubi's hair.

He couldn't…he shouldn't.

He bit hard on his lip when his eyes focused on the bandage around the sinuous neck.

For the first time he felt the urge to scratch that name off that skin. But erasing one scar with another wouldn't do any good, he knew it, it would just let Soubi bathe in more pain.

He brought his injured hand to his face.

He couldn't.

Although maybe Soubi would think of it as a bond, it was just simple raw pain.

He closed his eyes, trembling a little.

It would be better to be bondless than hurt him.

\- Ritsuka…

He felt the blood rushing to his cheeks and ears, a sad half-smile played over is lips "I'm so stupid…just for his voice…"

He shouldn't.

\- Ritsuka?

Soubi's hand pressed a little more on his foot.

He slowly turned in order to see the Soubi's face, a pair of azure eyes shone in the butter air.

\- Are you all right?

\- Yes. Now go to sleep.

\- If you don't sleep then I shouldn't.

It was as if something had hit him.

Ritsuka grabbed Soubi's shoulders, his nails digging into the fabric of his shirt.

\- Stop it!

\- Rit..

\- Stop it!

He swallowed.

\- You're an idiot Soubi! Can't you understand?

"The more you want orders, the more you need scars…the less you could be with me".

His little mind remained shut but his eyes were wide and watery, and yet he couldn't cry.

 

" Why are you crying?" The first thing Soubi had asked him that day.

 

He couldn't.

Then Soubi pulled him against his chest and wrapped his arms around his back.

Ritsuka hid his face into the warm darkness of Soubi's hold.

His voice poured over him, calm and deep.

\- No, I can't understand. But I love you.

Ritsuka gritted his teeth but remained there. He wanted that warm, that touch, even though there was no bond, no sense.

He shouldn't.

But then came Soubi's hand, caressing his ears.

Ritsuka looked up, at his face immersed in the milky air.

Soubi smiled and he buried his face in that boundless hug again, the only thing that was really just for him.  
He simply couldn't let go.


End file.
